ShopSimon… yeah, that’s where they really try to reel you in. Brands you love, 24/7? Right. Like I’m gonna be online at 3 AM desperately searching for a new pair of socks. But hey, Daily Deals, Free Shipping, Flash Sales… they know their audience. 90% off? I bet it’s stuff nobody even *wants* at 90% off, but still, the *idea* of a bargain is intoxicating, isn’t it? Women’s, Men’s, Kids’ fashion… the whole family can participate in the consumerist frenzy! Yay!
Then it gets weirder. Welcome to Quaker Bridge Mall! And Opry Mills! And Dadeland Mall! It’s like they’re just shouting mall names at you. Almost feels like a fever dream, doesn’t it? They want you to become a Simon Mall Insider for a chance to win a *thousand dollar* shopping spree. Honestly, a thousand dollars probably wouldn’t even get me that much at those malls. Maybe a decent handbag? And like, who even *wants* to be a “Simon Mall Insider”? Sounds… creepy.
Oh, and the Simon Giftcard! Gotta check that balance, right? Because you totally remember how much money you *might* have left on that thing from, like, 2018. It’s “safe & secure,” they promise. I hope so! I’d hate for my $3.72 to get stolen.
